Dear Diary, He Is the Guy for Me
by AutmPromise
Summary: Hermione's thoughts the night before her wedding to Ron when she reveals a HUGE secret to her diary.


Disclaimer: Would I be writing fan fiction if I were anything more than a fan… This would be a pretty sad use of my talent if I were JK Rowling.

AN: So this is my first attempt at writing I fan fiction, and I'd really like to know what you guys think. Basically, this story is about how Hermione would feel on the night of her wedding if she was hiding a MAJOR secret from Ron. And so, without further ado may I present:

Dear Diary, He _is_ the guy for me.

_Dear Diary,_

I begin to write.

_Incredibly, tonight is my last night as a single woman. A warm feeling spreads through my body each time I think of Ron and the thought that tomorrow, finally, I will be his wife. I wonder how our wedding night will be. Passionate? Somehow, I think not, probably clumsy (Ron is not known for his poise). And yet, I have the feeling it will be incredibly sweet as we share ourselves with one another for the first time. I wonder if he's waited for me…_

_Oh dear. With writing those words, a deep feeling of burning shame has settled itself in my stomach. How could I ever tell Ron how I've betrayed him? Would he ever forgive me? No! I know the answer as sure as I know the sun will rise tomorrow morning. It is a secret I must carry with me, blackening my soul until I see fit to release it. But I mustn't tell him, I could never, ever hurt him like that, though I am afraid I already have. You see diary, I am no longer a virgin. _

I pause and think about what to write next, how to put into words the plague that has been gnawing at me.

_I suppose it began quite some time ago, about two years after I began my work in the department of Magical Law Enforcement. He started working there, though not quite whole after the war. He was wounded (in pride), unsure of his place in this new world, and so, we slowly cultivated a friendship. You've heard me talk about him before. Of course, Ron and Harry were never told of this friendship, they wouldn't have approved, but I was a grown woman, capable of making my own decisions. Unfortunately, he took the relationship to his advantage, though I do not blame him entirely. _

_Ron and I had gotten into a particularly nasty fight just over a year ago. Upset, I sought refuge in my office. He was there and he comforted me, made me believe Ron was in the wrong. He convinced me to go with him back to his place. Had I not been so vulnerable I never would have gone, but… _

_One thing led to another and eventually, we were lying next to each other panting after our frenzied love making. The thing is, this made me realize, more than ever that Ron truly is the one for me, and that I would never want to do anything with someone other than him for as long as I live. But I could never tell Ron this, he would never understand. Even the realization that he is the only one would not be enough to compensate for what I have done. That is because the man I lost my virginity to is the one and only Draco Malfoy. _

I feel as if I might through up.

_When I think of Ron, and when I think of what I've done, I am disgusted with myself. It seems as if I wanted to hurt Ron in the worst way possible, and it appears I have succeeded (even if he doesn't know it yet). What will he say tomorrow, if he notices there is no blood, will he suspect? Will he be the overbearing, jealous Ron I have always loved? Probably he would, and probably he would forgive me, now that I think about it. If he truly loves me, he would, regardless. Yet, I can't risk taking the chance. What if he doesn't love me the way he says he does, and this secret causes the end of our marriage? Or perhaps, if this alone would be enough to ruin the relationship, how many small things would need to add up before…well before he no longer loved me. _

I begin to cry…

_Ha, look at me, tears dribbling down onto the page. It is actually true that I am afraid he doesn't really love me? How could I think that? And yet, how could I not fear that? Doesn't every woman on the eve of her wedding feel excitement and __**terror**__? If these feeling are completely natural according to everything I've read, then why do I feel so scared? All my life I've known I could trust Ron, although admittedly we have had our share of fights. I think that's what makes me love him so much. Even when he's the one to push me off the cliff, I know he'll catch me at the bottom. _

Suddenly I feel so much happier, and all these fears seem so trivial when compared to what is happening tomorrow.

_I feel like breathing a sigh of relief. What have I been so worried about? I know I love Ron, and I know he loves me, no matter what our pasts hold. Though, upon consideration, I probably shouldn't tell him my deepest darkest secret. I am confident though that that will be the only information I will ever withhold from him. I can't wait to share life's journey with him, to have children, grandchildren, and eventually to pass into the unknown together. _

_Namely, I can't wait to be married._

Ron Ron, Ron…,

_Ron, Ron, Ron… How I love that name. _

_Soon I must sign Hermione Weasley or Mrs. Hermione Jean Weasley or even Mrs. Weasley (sounds like his mother), but until tomorrow,_

_Hermione Granger_

**AN:** So did you like it? Hopefully you did. And…if you're feeling particularly generous, would you mind terribly leaving a review. I'd love to get some feedback about what you liked and didn't like in particular. I'm starting a new fic, and if there are any problems with this one, I don't want to make the same mistakes over again. Hopefully the plot wasn't too confusing. I realize there was a lot of information packed in there, and that Hermione experienced a wide range of emotion. Anyway…please review and be on the look out for my next story which might be posted in a few weeks.

AutmPromise


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